WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Trump Refuses To Show Taxes To IRS

"The IRS is a made-up agency anyway," said the man who used to make phone calls as an imaginary publicist.

WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. President Donald J. Trump raised eyebrows today by announcing that he will not comply with demands from the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) to provide his tax forms, an action required of all taxpayers.

A contract accountant who does not yet know she will not be paid

“Maybe it’s because he’s not a taxpayer,” said supporter Bill McCawber. “Why would they need to see your taxes if you don’t have any? Plus, he’s the president, so he can do whatever he wants.”

Tax experts are not so sure. “Virtually anyone who draws income of any kind is liable for taxes,” said Caterina Kemper, an accountant who has prepared taxes for thousands of clients. “Being president doesn’t afford you any kind of exception.”

The IRS is the federal agency responsible for collecting taxes and investigating erroneous or fraudulent returns, unless you have control over the department.

“This is an outrage,” said a member of Congress who has no meaningful avenue to pursue action. “Add it to the pile, I guess.”

A spokesperson for the IRS had no comment.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Popular
Heroic driver enforces speed limit for everyone
AUTO

Heroic driver enforces speed limit for everyone

ROCHESTER, NY – A self-appointed guardian of local traffic laws has upheld the compulsory speed limit for all motorists, at

Man believes Rapture is coming, keeps his 401k
LIVING

Man believes Rapture is coming, keeps his 401k

NARTHEX, TN – Earl Coler believes that the world will end soon, and that he and fellow believers will be

Advertisement
Categories
Archives
0.0
BY THE NUMBERS
The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top