WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
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SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
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SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Tree may have fallen on Schrödinger’s cat

VIENNA – Initial reports indicate that a tree has fallen in a nearby forest, possibly killing the cat belonging to local resident E. Schrödinger.

“We’ll have to make some more observations, but every time we gather evidence the results seem to change,” said Klaus Meine, lead investigator. “We want to eliminate guesswork and ascertain what has happened here.”

Investigators have focused on a crushed box beneath the tree in question. A Geiger counter and broken flask were found near the scene and have been sent to laboratory for testing. No one heard or saw the tree fall, and doubt remains as to whether the cat was in the box at the time.

“The cat may be entangled in this mess, and would most certainly have been killed. Until we look, however, we cannot know.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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