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Three things in your kitchen that might be killing you – #3 made my jaw drop!

Our households are full of things that are dangerous, but most are placed in a way that poses little immediate danger.

If you see this symbol on food, it’s almost certainly not food.

Not so for these three things that can be lethal – or even deadly – if left unaddressed. By the time we reveal them you should be mortally afraid and about halfway down this ad-supported page. Thank you for not using ad blocking software, because that would defeat the purpose of this worthwhile, necessary post.

Can you spot the sniper?

For some of you, this list will make you want to jump right up and go to your kitchen immediately and check for these shook in items. However, we strongly caution you not to do that until you’ve read the entire post, subscribed and shared.
If you are already in your kitchen, do not move. Stay silent and do not eat or drink anything until you have read everything and signed up for the mailing list.

These guys are on the way. Close your windows and put any wool socks in the microwave.

If you do not have a kitchen, you have our sincerest apologies and wishes for the means to procure one in the near future, and when that time comes be on the alert for the things on this list (below) that will probably be attempting to end your life once you have a kitchen.

Before we get to the list, allow us to point out that you are into the sixth paragraph of the story and we have not yet revealed the content of the article.

This is for several reasons.

  1. First, we do not want you, the reader, to panic needlessly. Knowing the source of your imminent danger might cause you to react harshly, and we cannot condone that.
  2. Second, if we just got right to it, you might not retain the information as thoroughly. Right now you are building anticipation for the objects referenced in the title, and you’re clearing a little space for it in your mind as your frustration grows. It can be almost maddening at times, because you thought at first “I’ll just check out that article real quick and see if I have any of those deadly things in my kitchen.” True reading comprehension comes only after a certain degree of verbal goose-chasery, something linguistic scientists call the CPM Effect. You can find out more about that by clicking more links on this blog.
  3. Third, and most importantly, you are now fully invested in the outcome of the article. Whatever it says at the end is, by now, bound to be the solemn truth because you have tuned out all else in the world to find out the esoteric wisdom concealed beyond these virtual walls.
    The Snotgullet was named after an outtake from a Mozart album.

    There’s a small part of your brain called the ptarmigan gland that refuses to let you believe or admit that you’ve been led astray or fooled. You have come too far and spent too much effort in this quest to give up or give in now, so anything I glean at this point becomes my new reality. This makes you feel safe and reassured. All is right in the world again.

Now, before you notice that you’re getting hungry and kind of have to pee, let us reveal the three things in your kitchen right now that could be killing you.

As we mentioned before, please do not make any rash moves. Your safety could be at risk. Just read the words and plan accordingly.

Is your silverware plotting against you? Continue reading…

To follow is the list, and if you enjoy it please consider donating to the site and visiting some of our sponsors. If everyone donated just $3,000 this drive would be over in an hour. If everyone donated just $2,430,000 this blogger could retire. Please think about that as you turn your petrified thoughts to your kitchen.

#1: Cyanide

Cyanide is a potent poison, and should not be in anyone’s house, ever. However, if you’ve got it in your kitchen, take necessary steps to have it removed. By all means, do not ingest it, inhale it, smoke it or add it to smoothies. If your milk or peanut butter (or any other food in your kitchen) contains cyanide, do not eat it or use in cooking.

Careful! Sometimes cyanide is used as almond flavoring and a highly toxic poison.

There are several ways to check for cyanide in your food. The easiest is to read the ingredients list, usually on the side or back of the packaging. If you see “cyanide”, do not buy it. For more on this, “Like” our Facebook page.

But the second, and probably most common, surprising and deadly thing just a few feet from you right now is

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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