WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Test post more interesting than actual content, part 2

The editor thought dolphins kissing might get more post engagement. Whatever.

DENVER, CO – With a test post meant only to verify the connectivity between the main page and a social media page, the editor inadvertently published a story more engaging than what would have otherwise appeared in this space, again.

The hastily chosen side picture and caption were of lower quality this time around.

The post needed only to have a headline, an image, and a few short paragraphs of copy to insure that all elements were being forwarded to an unseen page on a popular social media site, for the purposes of viewing the forwarded post there.

This time around, the story was being posted expressly to test the excerpt feature, so that the whole blurb didn’t show up on the Facebook page.

“The story that was going to go out had to do with cookie dough and parking fines, and frankly wasn’t well thought out, researched, or written,” said senior editor Mulligan Stewart. “We would have done better with a follow-up story on the Gnocchia Phone or more about the Spellcheck Virus from a previous story.”

The editorial board has been made aware of this situation and is taking it under advisement.

The general public should ignore this post and not question authority.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Microsoft to open source Blue Screen of Death

Microsoft to open source Blue Screen of Death

REDMOND, WA – The error screen familiar to millions of Windows users will soon have the combined development of developers around

This will change the way you watch “Toy Story”

This will change the way you watch “Toy Story”

Forget everything you thought you knew about Pixar’s first feature film, Toy Story. The groundbreaking computer animated buddy adventure comedy already

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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