WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Tater Tats does ink for potatoes

Their favorite drink? Mash whiskey, of course.

BURBANK, ID – Spud Russet has always wanted a tattoo, but conventional salons would not allow him to get one because he’s not human.

“My buddy Chip and I got the idea to open our own shop,” said Russet, who secured a loan and built the parlor next to his favorite bar, Tubers.

Chip later withdrew from the business due to a hash problem, but Russet’s girlfriend Latke has stepped in to help.

“It all boils down to family,” said Russet.


Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Spacewalk goes awry for Shuttle mascot

Spacewalk goes awry for Shuttle mascot

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER – The fifth and final spacewalk for Shuttle Atlantis mission STS-125 ended abruptly today when astronauts had

Online art school grad gets job drawing Tippy

Online art school grad gets job drawing Tippy

SAVANNAH – High school sophomore Quentin Sweeney completed his curriculum at a correspondence school and has secured employment drawing cartoon

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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