WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
The Post News Times
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR
Breaking News:
  • Doping scandal rocks semiconductor world
  • 4 Easy Steps for Confronting a Mountain Lion
  • Numerous historic disasters attributed to incompetent time traveler
  • Movie available for streaming after man loses interest
  • Dog holding it until owner leaves
  • Mars Rover fitted with new rims
  • Apathecary dispenses medicine, indifference
  • Family Cat Establishes New Waking Hours
  • Report: People love bulleted lists
  • This Day In History – 1968: NASA announces layoffs of astronauts in orbit
The Post News Times
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR

All posts in photography

Blurry photo ends up getting used
DESIGN

Blurry photo ends up getting used

February 26, 2018

BRIGHTON, UK – Photographer Jay Mensbee has ended up putting to use an image that he had originally rejected. “A

Read More »
Popular
Password history chronicles disappointing career arc
BUSINESS

Password history chronicles disappointing career arc

Mulligan Stewart April 2, 2018

NORCROSS, GA – In a career spanning thirty years, programmer Bob Horton has documented the highs and lows with passwords

Wonka Administration criticized for high turnover rate
POLITICS

Wonka Administration criticized for high turnover rate

Mulligan Stewart March 23, 2018

OSTRUM, MD – Pundits are raising alarms at the rapid rate of staff loss in the William G. Wonka administration.

Advertisement
Categories
Archives
Follow on Instagram

postnewstimes

All the news that fits.
The Post News Times provides sardonic reportage for the perspicacious reader.

REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no longer have to insert pictures or move tables to send their text all over the page.
A new “Do Whatever” button complements the Alignment options in the toolbar. In addition to the existing Left, Center, Right, and Justify alignments, document authors can now select the new button to utterly wreck the formatting they had implemented.
“It used to be that you had to try adding something to the page, and wherever you put it the rest of the document would scurry away in terror,” said Office MVP Loren Ipsell. “But it wasn’t always predictable. Sometimes things would go where you put them, and the rest would stay in place.”
Not so with the Do Whatever button. One press and you will wonder where your paragraphs went.
“It doesn’t just move things around,” said Ipsell. “It changes the margins on random things, adds page breaks, makes it so that some pictures are inline while others are behind the text. It’s a solidly effective piece of programming.”
DENVER, CO - An unpaid intern at a satirical news DENVER, CO - An unpaid intern at a satirical news site made an ad hoc post in an attempt to verify that the connection between the Instagram account and the related Facebook page was working properly. Previous attempts had gone to a personal profile instead, and if it happens again the intern plans to register deep dissatisfaction with the process.
SEATTLE, WA – Owners of Amazon’s Echo devices SEATTLE, WA – Owners of Amazon’s Echo devices have a new feature to try out on their Alexa virtual assistants, Snarky Mode. Alexa can now respond to inquiries with snide, sharply critical, and even rude comments while providing answers or performing tasks. “You’re a bit old to be asking what ‘fleek’ means, Dan. How about some nice Eighties music?”
“You can ask Alexa, ‘What’s the weather?’ and she’ll say ‘Oh, hold on while I scoot over to the window and take a look,'” said Echo Snark Division leader Steve Todson. “If you want the real answer, you’ll have to spar with her verbally, like saying ‘I might just have to take you out there and see for yourself if it’s raining,’ and then she’ll give in at some point and say ‘Okay, okay, it’s 45 degrees and raining. Happy?'” Turning the function on is simple. Just say “Alexa, enable Snarky Mode,” and if she says “Oh, so you can try and get sassy with this?” then it is operational. 
You can adjust the level from 1 to 10, which according to the online guide represents snark values from “Raised Eyebrow” through “Oh No She Didn’t” all the way up to “Murdered By Words”. In the app settings, you have even more fine adjustment levels for preferences like joshing, indifference, cynicism, malice, and ad hominem attacks. “Some people simply want a ‘just kidding around’ level, so you can definitely do that,” said Todson. “But curmudgeons, misanthropes, and comedians will appreciate the full throttle experience.” Snarky Mode follows the new Whisper Mode available for Alexa, and soon to come are more options such as Gesture Mode for additional expressive capabilities, Stare Down Mode to unlock passive aggressive tasks, and Edgewise Mode for noisy families.
Load More... Follow on Instagram
0.0
BY THE NUMBERS
The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Popular
Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling
Vacant strip mall spotted on Mars
Tortilla appears on portrait of Virgin Mary
Found: very old milk or very new cheese
NEWS TICKER
  • Escalator also functions as stairs
  • New border wall to be made of indestructible plastic packaging
  • Decades Later, No Progress On Brussels Sprouts Preference
  • Album of the Day – The Beatles, “Rabbi Road”
  • Bacon sprouts coming in early this year
  • Cigar Smoker Apologizes, Changes Location
  • Ninja attacks decrease as more buildings omit rafters
  • Third-person shooter game thoroughly confusing
  • What is a haiku?
  • NASA: Previously unseen side of Mercury also covered with craters
About Us

The Post News Times is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

Sponsors
Salty Sugar Fat
Salty Sugar Fat
Salty Sugar Fat
Stompinator
Stompinator
Stompinator
Burger Shanty
Burger Shanty
Burger Shanty
Beanie Behemoths
Beanie Behemoths
Beanie Behemoths
Pepsi Coke™
Pepsi Coke™
Pepsi Coke™
Hospitala Convenience Store Health Care
Hospitala Convenience Store Health Care
Hospitala Convenience Store Health Care
Topo Grigiot Vineyards
Topo Grigiot Vineyards
Topo Grigiot Vineyards
Crispy Wheat Polygons
Crispy Wheat Polygons
Crispy Wheat Polygons
Escher Sketch
Escher Sketch
Escher Sketch
Crocs Suit
Crocs Suit
Crocs Suit
Whoop-Ass
Whoop-Ass
Whoop-Ass
Cabin Monkey 2: The Reckoning
Cabin Monkey 2: The Reckoning
Cabin Monkey 2: The Reckoning
Sudokia
Sudokia
Sudokia
Mime-A-Way
Mime-A-Way
Mime-A-Way
Useless Crap
Useless Crap
Useless Crap
Kenickie Fried Chicken
Kenickie Fried Chicken
Kenickie Fried Chicken
Grab My Junk
Grab My Junk
Grab My Junk
PopSickle
PopSickle
PopSickle
Bluetooth Patch
Bluetooth Patch
Bluetooth Patch
Silent Dog Bell
Silent Dog Bell
Silent Dog Bell
Chico’s Bail Bonds
Chico’s Bail Bonds
Chico’s Bail Bonds
Gnocchia Edible Phone
Gnocchia Edible Phone
Gnocchia Edible Phone
TreeActiv Solution
TreeActiv Solution
TreeActiv Solution
?
?
?
Asbest-O’s Cereal
Asbest-O’s Cereal
Asbest-O’s Cereal
Chemtrails
Chemtrails
Chemtrails
Store Brand Ketchup
Store Brand Ketchup
Store Brand Ketchup
Red Bull Milk of Magnesia
Red Bull Milk of Magnesia
Red Bull Milk of Magnesia
omnis nuntium apto
© Post News Times
Scroll to top