WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Source of neck pain located

CHARLOTTE, NC – Bookstore manager Brady Berlinger had been suffering neck pain for weeks, and tried numerous tactics to alleviate it.

“I learned a bunch of different stretches, herbal remedies, hot compresses, cold compresses, nothing worked,” said Berlinger. “Turns out it was my pillow.”

By chance, Berlinger thought to change his bed sheets when something caught his attention. A pair of large metal grates that had been welded together were stuffed into the pillowcase.

“I did think it was a little heavy, but I assumed that was a side effect of my neck pain,” said Berlinger. “Funny how that loops back around there. It was the cause.”

Since replacing the metal grates with an actual pillow, Berlinger reports that his pain has subsided significantly. He has resolved to make sure that metal grates not make their way into his bed set in the future.


Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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