WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Software patch that will fix your phone no longer available

MONTREO – Mobile solution provider KapuTech, proud maker of operating systems and applications for a wide variety of mobile platforms, regrets to announce that it no longer offers the one patch that would have fixed your specific and debilitating mobile device problem. No further information is available at this time, and KapuTech wishes you the best in continuing to purchase and use our products.

Purchased only three months ago, your new mobile device requires a critical update in order for the wireless and phone functions to operate. However, KapuTech has released a newer version of the device since then, and is completely focused on the innumerable support issues and future patch discontinuation surrounding that product.

The KapuTech support site has a few suggestions for using the device without the wireless or phone functions. Those options include using the mobile browser while connected to a PC, storing contacts for use on another phone, playing solitaire and using the calculator.

An extensive search of external help forums has yielded more users clamoring for the same patch, which reportedly worked like a charm in making the device function as advertised. One link to an Estonian web page claimed to have a download, but the site is no longer online.

Comments from other users suggested a wealth of possibilities for the withdrawal of the patch, including licensing or fee disagreements with a tangled web of third party vendors. All were in agreement that the device is now a paperweight.

Again, KapuTech thanks you for your continued patronage, and looks forward to providing you solutions in the future.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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