WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Saloon patron does not particularly care for your tone of voice, mister

SAGEBRUSH, CO – Standing right there at the bar is one fellow who did not at all cotton to your choice of words.

The self-described “simple man” who goes by the name of Dalton wishes to remind you, in case you had not already heard, that this town will not be putting up with any ruckus or nonsense.

Dalton and several of his cohorts, all recently deputized, do not recall seeing the likes of you in these parts. It seems to them that it takes a lot of darn gall to inquire of the barkeep in such an impertinent tone. They now wonder if you would like to take this one opportunity to rephrase your question, son.

You now have two options under consideration, both with a non-negotiable time constraint. One, you turn tail and skeedaddle from the premises. Two, you find a more pleasant way of asking if this establishment validates horse hitch parking.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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