WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Recycling hurts useless crap industry

Useless crap is a huge industry, accounting for about 85% of everything.

GATLINBURG – Members of the Bauble Manufacturer’s Association, or “Big Useless Crap” met this weekend to confront the most serious challenge facing their industry, recycling.

Makers of trinkets, baubles, tchotchkes, doodads, knickknacks, cheap knockoffs and other products notable for their worthlessness or disposability are protesting the rising influence of recyclable materials.

“The propagation of higher-quality plastics and metals will put undue stress on companies that produce things that looked great on TV or at the checkout counter, but fizzled on or before first use,” said Sal Damons, spokesperson for BMA. “Reprocessing of old materials has at its heart the prevention of waste, and that is counter to all we represent. Our worry is that there will be reduced availability of new materials dug out of the ground.”

To illustrate his point, Damons cites the economics of recycling. “If you have some leftover stuff, and I pay you for it, that’s a resource. If you have to pay me to take it away, that’s garbage. We put the slogan on a key fob.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

One Response

  1. Kurt

    Dude, your ruined earth day!

Rival scrapbooking gangs rumble with pinking shears

Rival scrapbooking gangs rumble with pinking shears

BROOK CREEK – A heated rivalry between scrapbooking organizations turned violent over the weekend, leaving one “scrapper” mildly injured. Betty

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium

STILLWATER, NV – Researchers have solved an age-old problem in energy production with an age-old solution: Chicken pot pie. “The

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top