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Radio telescope opening garage doors on distant planets

ARGUS, NM – A radio telescope once used for charting the universe is now being employed to open garage doors in galaxies many light years away.

“We cannot know what sorts of garage doors they may have on alien worlds, so we send a mish-mash of signals and codes,” said telescope operator Ari Cebault.

The radio telescope itself was retired by the government to divert funding towards building a fence around the property. Cebault has leased time on the facility on a grant to study “Extraterrestrial Signal Combobulation”.

“We’ll test every type of signal available. I plan to open garage doors, change channels, set off radar detectors, whatever.”

Cebault is working on a theoretical model to verify the results of his tests. “It’s not like we can just ask them. Then they’d know it was us.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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Bloodbaths underrated, say parasites

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