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Penguin secret agent only breaks into facilities built on pack ice

MCMURDO STATION, ANTARCTICA – The world’s top penguin secret agent, Kyle Weathersby, is without question the one to call when you need someone to run an airtight clandestine mission, as long as the target building resides on an expanse of floating ice.

Weathersby can break into any secure office within the southern polar region where a hole can be drilled into a main floor from below. Corporate giants and governmental institutions fear and respect his skill at espionage, at least in cases where their construction fits the flightless bird’s capabilities.

“If I had a headquarters sitting on an ice shelf not more than a foot or so in thickness, I’d be very concerned about security,” said counterintelligence officer Eckhart Munson.

Secret agent Weathersby infiltrated this compound in 1997 to uncover secrets about a hidden UFO base.

Antarctica is designated by 53 nations as a scientific preserve, and has no official government. Military activity is banned there, but penguin espionage has a murkier legal status.

Even so, opportunities for Weathersby to practice his trade are few and far between. While Antarctica is the fifth largest continent, it is the least populous with between 1,000 and 4,000 residents depending on the season.

“There’s not much call for his services,” said Munson. “I think pretty much every top secret mission that could be done, he’s done it.”

As such, both Weathersby and Munson have quite a bit of down time, which they sometimes pass together watching movies, telling stories, and drinking vodka.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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