WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Password history chronicles disappointing career arc

NORCROSS, GA – In a career spanning thirty years, programmer Bob Horton has documented the highs and lows with passwords that reflected his trajectory at the time.

In 1988, Horton got his first job out of school programming for InveigleTek, brimming with enthusiasm for the future that lay ahead. His login at the time was username BHorton, password STR82theT0P, then in later required password changes he used variations on cars he wanted to buy, such as L4MB0R6H1N1 and P0r$CH3.

He remained at that position through the recession of the early 90s, maintaining his spirit with encouraging passwords like N3v3rG1v3Up and G0NN4M4K31T. A crestfallen Horton left InveigleTek when the return of favorable economic conditions did not find their way to him, as seen in his last password there, Pa$$ed0vR.

It’s been a while since Horton used the password 4M3R1C4NDR34M.

Horton stayed with his next employer DataGraft through the wild days of the dotcom boom, when Horton expected to advance with many of his peers who met with great fortune. However, most of his peers jumped from job to job in order to move up, and Horton remained at the same company. He racked up countless hours of overtime with no corresponding reward, creating passwords like A11WRKnN0PlaY and NoTpr0@ct1ve, a dig at one supervisor’s lackluster performance review.

When the tech bubble burst, Horton was D0WnS1z3d (as he put it in a password), in order to create space for less expensive programmers. Promises by management to rehire him as a consultant went nowhere, prompting epithets such as RatFinKB055! and 5ycoph@nt.

A series of tentative jobs followed that, never affording Horton the security he had pursued, and getting him as far as a F0RDT4URU$ that at least is paid in full. The downturn of 2008 solidified what Horton had started to wistfully acknowledge, that his career had hit a PL4T3AU. His company at the time, Mountebank Systems, did make for another telling password at the time, 401kG0ne.

These days, approaching 50, Horton’s passwords reflect shifting moods of resentment and resignation in his latest position at StrataGem. Adjusted for inflation, his salary is now less than when he first started out. Some passwords try to focus on the future, such as 30yrs2ret1rement. The rest of the time, he simply uses a mishmash of indifferent symbols like #@$%&!<?.


Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Shred Here

Shred Here

Take it from Yngwie Johan Malmsteen, Swedish guitarist and band leader. You need to shred when you want, where you want.

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Oil spill cleaned up with gigantic doily

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