WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

OPINION: If man meant to roll, man born with wheels


Unak make tools long time. Unak know a little something about way world work. Unak not try discourage Modak little enterprise, Unak just pointing out if man supposed roll, man already have wheels.

Unak like discuss future with Modak. Modak want walk with Unak daughter. Mastodon season coming up, going be very important one. Unak think Modak notion of wheel not likely yield result for mastodon hunt. If Modak disagree, Modak welcome present evidence to contrary.

Again, not be difficult, Unak just saying. Many things man not do: fly, refine metals, create water resistant footwear. Rolling another example. Unak encourage Modak take up more marketable skill.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

GMO pioneer reveals adorable TomatoCat

GMO pioneer reveals adorable TomatoCat

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New Years Resolutions scaled down

New Years Resolutions scaled down

CLEARWATER, FL – After mounting an ambitious array of goals at the turn of the year, Reese Foals is resetting

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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