WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Online Poll: Most qualified 2008 candidate is you

YOUR COMPUTER – In a recent poll taken online today, you matched your own values more closely than any other candidate.

You were referring to numerous online polls that take potential voters through a series of issues, rank priorities and show the presidential candidate that best matches.

“I took the quiz eight times, and it kept coming up me,” you said. “I know the odds are slim given that most of the nation hasn’t heard of me. But I haven’t ruled out running.”

“On every single issue — the economy, the Iraq War, Social Security, Sunday liquor sales, speed limits in my neighborhood and health care — no one else came closer than me on my core values.”

“Well, there was something about reform where Dennis Kucinich agrees with me more, but I’m a definite Me supporter.”

“I’m waiting to see what happens in the next 45 primaries before making a decision,” said you the voter. You the candidate expressed concern that if you did run, you’d run out of money some time during the Iowa caucuses, which already happened.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Huh huhh… you said “Escher”

Huh huhh… you said “Escher”

Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling

Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling

Producers of beef, pork and other meat products have begun listing more specific ingredients that occasionally appear in the mix.

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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