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Oil spill cleaned up with gigantic doily

GULF OF MEXICO – Incident crews from Derramar Petroleum are trying a new tactic to deal with oil spills: enormous paper doilies that soak up the viscous unrefined fuel.

“I got the idea visiting my great aunt’s house,” said Dario Ross, manager of ornamental paper spill containment projects at Derramar. “The sofa and every chair has these frilly mats behind where your head goes, and they intercept the skin oil that would ordinarily collect in the furniture fabric.”

The doilies are quite successful at absorbing the spilled oil, but researchers are still working on what to do with the saturated, toxic paper that results.

“Maybe some huge machine that wrings them out,” said Ross.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

To SK8 is not a crime; V&alism is

To SK8 is not a crime; V&alism is

What is this bizarre mystery creature that washe– oh, it’s a decomposed sturgeon

What is this bizarre mystery creature that washe– oh, it’s a decomposed sturgeon

PISMO BEACH, CA – A terrifying carcass washed ashore this week, prompting locals to give it fanciful names like Chupacarpa,

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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