WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Neighborhood hit by outbreak of Stuccococcus

JEJUNE HOLLOW – Scores of houses in Tickytack Estates have come down with Stuccococcus (S. Plasteri), or Stucco for short, a communicable disease that spreads by means of free-floating contractors.

Stuccococcus begins as a wet, superficial fluid that clings to unprotected siding, then hardens into an often rough, scaly coating that is difficult to remove once it begins to manifest. It appears in various strains, but is fairly simple to diagnose visually and with a light scratch test.

Once infected with Stucco, houses can suffer a number of symptoms. Delamination of masonry substrate cause cracking and buckling for which careful preparation and repair are indicated. Damp or rotting lath introduce similar problems. Any source of unwanted fluid in the substructure can trigger breakouts that exacerbate the underlying affliction.

Given the deep tenacity of Stucco, many homeowners choose to endure the condition. Others elect to move to a different neighborhood, and the prognosis is often good; homes already clad in brick or siding resist Stucco very well.



Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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