ROCKY POINT BEACH – The crime-solving band of teens known collectively as “Mystery, Inc.” has withdrawn from the scene of a reported caper, finding the culprit to be merely a jar of the pickled buds of a perennial spiny shrub.
Fred Jones, Daphne Blake, Velma Dinkley, Norville “Shaggy” Rogers and their talking dog Scooby-Doo responded to the call while en route to a rock festival. The Mystery Machine (the company van) had broken down, and they happened upon an abandoned beach house where a radioactive, glowing skeleton reportedly frightened away visitors.
After agreeing to investigate, the team split up to gather more information. Jones and Blake remained in the van to discuss strategy. Dinkley searched the house. Despite some outlandish hallucinations appearing to Rogers and the dog, the team found nothing out of the ordinary – only a jar of capers in a kitchen cabinet.
“We fully expected to discover a local official behind all this,” said Jones. “Turns out it’s just the off-season.”
“It’s, like, anticlimactic,” said Rogers. “We didn’t even find the sort of delicious treats that make you want lick your whole face.”