KANTHEARYA, NE – Murica Motors has released the loudest production motorcycle in history with the T-5000, with a peak loudness of 145 decibels, louder than a jet engine.
Representatives of Murica would not comment on the specifics of the technology, except to say that the core emulates a pneumatic riveter, helping the engine to surpass the 125 db pain threshold.
“Ordinary muffler absence would not do the trick, so we had to come up with something else to cause the target amount of hearing loss and distress,” said lead developer Ruddy Wallace. “A joke among plant engineers is that the T is for Tinnitus.”
“With high sound pressure levels we already contribute to cardiovascular disease and increases in blood pressure and vasoconstriction. This breakthrough allows the motor to augment that effect by ramping up stress levels of bystanders. It makes loud sounds seem louder, causing headaches and irritability. The new TK5000 Motor makes every day activities like conversation or watching television impossible within a large radius. Try and get a baby to sleep through one of these things outside the house.”