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Lanes To Be Closed On Interstate Just Because

Several drivers have changed their residence so they can vote from where they are stuck in traffic.

STALLVILLE – Thousands of commuters on their way home today encountered three of five lanes on the cross-town connector blocked off to traffic on both sides of the freeway, apparently for no reason whatsoever. Cars and trucks backed up for miles in each direction, and motorists complained to every available outlet such as social media and call-in radio shows.

“It’s true, there is no active construction or repair ongoing at this time,” said DOT foreman Denny Shugard while on a break. “We just like to get drivers in the habit of merging and being stopped for extended periods of time. That way, when we do get started on something, it’s not a surprise.”

City Council voted to officially change the name of Chastain Drive to Road Closed in order to avoid confusion after this sign had been up for three years.

Several projects are planned for that stretch of road, as soon as some other projects on major thoroughfares are complete in the next 5 to 12 years.

In the meantime, road crews are getting practice around town by closing lanes on other highways and surface roads in random locations.

“It keeps the workers sharp, because they get quicker at shutting down the lanes, placing the cones, and leaving them there indefinitely,” said Shugard. “Sometimes they’ll dig up a little asphalt or put a metal plate down to make it look like something’s happening, because people get real upset when they have to wait 20 minutes to get through a big intersection. We want them to feel like they’re getting something for their tax dollars.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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