WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

The Post News Times / JankyVision Terms of Service (TOS)

TERMS OF SERVICE: The user (heretofore referred to as “YOU”), by utilizing in any way the services, products or as yet undetermined intellectual or other properties in perpetuity throughout the universe (heretofore referred to as “THE SERVICE”), including reading, listening, viewing, glancing over shoulders with or without intent to comprehend, hereby indemnify, release and absolve the assigns, heirs, operators and other potential agents of The Post News Times, JankyCorp, LLC and its subsidiaries (heretofore referred to as “THE COMPANY”) of any and all liens, debts, obligations for any perceived or actual services rendered in the past, future, present or alternate temporal realities, including parallel universes in their entirety, retroactive to the beginning of time, and for the purposes of this agreement even before that, except in such cases as THE COMPANY shall have deemed in advance to agree in writing, under official seal, to approve such expenditures, and all aforementioned provisions are binding for all space and time under all situations. We paid a lot of money to a guy in a bar who said he was an attorney so that he would write some really intimidating boilerplate legalese. How we doing?

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

One Response

  1. Kath

    Forever and ever, amen.

Laxative energy drink wreaks havoc at festival

Laxative energy drink wreaks havoc at festival

BOUSE, AZ – Concertgoers at the 2017 Coacharoo Music Festival got a nasty surprise when a mistaken shipment of Red

Bigfoot names Discovery Channel, Animal Planet in harassment lawsuit

Bigfoot names Discovery Channel, Animal Planet in harassment lawsuit

EAST GREENWICH, RI – An individual purporting to be the legendary Bigfoot of folklore has filed a harassment suit against

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top