WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

It’s dangle. Berries don’t dingle.

Guest Editorial by Captain Lou

We need to talk about wording.

Being a large, shaggy breed of dog, I am all too familiar with the difficulties of, shall we say, making use of the outdoor facilities.

We don’t have access to toilet paper or opposable thumbs, so it’s just a part of the bargain that there are sometimes remnants of the process. I’ll be frank here; occasionally there are things that should be left behind but they remain with us.

I’m talking about dangleberries.

I do apologize for dragging the discourse down to this level with such a subject. Almost nobody likes them, and they are without exception unintentional. But that is not the purpose of this discussion.

I want to impress upon you to stop using the term “dingleberry” to describe this phenomenon. Berries do not dingle. It might be perfectly apropos to call a foolish or inept person a dingleberry, but for the love of authentic vocabulary can we agree to call a dangleberry by its proper name?

Language mutates and adapts over time. I understand and accept that, but the next time your big shaggy dog brings home a stowaway, please consider – even if only silently to yourself – thinking of the correct nomenclature.

Captain Lou is a squirrel enthusiast, a graduate student in linguistic studies at Labrador College, and a good boy.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Archaeologists discover Metrolopithecus, “Accessory Man”

Archaeologists discover Metrolopithecus, “Accessory Man”

MILAN – Archaeologists working in Europe have discovered a new species from the hominid family, Metrolopithecus Beckhami. The complete, very

Blogging is all new blogger blogs about

Blogging is all new blogger blogs about

PRAGUE – Enthusiastic beginning blogger Lorne Billups blogs almost constantly, and covers a single subject: blogging. Having quickly lost any

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top