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SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
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Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

"It wasn't shaking where I was."

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the ground was, in fact, still.

“Sure, you’ve got some movement in some places. Ground moves all the time in places like California,” said Inhofe. “But where I was, where this rock came from, and most of Oklahoma, was dead calm.”

The senator’s home state of Oklahoma has been in the news for swarms of earthquakes in a state where there had been very few each year over magnitude 3.

“Convulsion is not causation,” said Inhofe’s representative.
Seismologists and geologists have suggested that the rise in earthquakes is related to the increased activity in fracking wastewater injection wells, barring any explanation by natural variation in seismicity.
“Look at all those quakes over in Raton,” said a lobbyist for the Responsible Energy American Eagle Heritage Exploration Foundation.

Inhofe famously refuted anthropogenic (man-made) global warming in 2015 by bringing a snowball to the Senate floor. Because it was cold where he was on this day, he reasoned, how could it be warming elsewhere over decades and centuries?

Reached for comment on the fracking/earthquake debate, Inhofe’s office said he plans to continue with the same GOP strategy as for climate change:

  1. It isn’t happening.
  2. It’s kinda happening, but it’s not humans’ fault.
  3. Okay, it’s happening, but there’s nothing we can do about it now that we’ve waited so long.
Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Newlywed man discovers there is a wrong way to fold towels

Newlywed man discovers there is a wrong way to fold towels

EDGEWATER, FL – Jackson Lipscombe, recently married to fiancée Charlize, has just learned that the way he has been folding

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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