WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
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POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Hunter describes self as “results-oriented bird watcher”

SHOBONIER, IL – Bird hunter and productivity consultant Clark Fountain is not content to wear the label “bird hunter”, so he coined the term “Results-Oriented Bird Watcher”.

“Hunting and bird watching have a high degree of commonality,” said Fountain from his hunting blind. “We both sit for long periods of time, waiting for the desired breeds to come along. The difference being whether you shoot a camera or a rifle.”

Other hunters merely shrug or shake their heads at the mention of Fountain’s chosen title.

For their part, bird watchers would not comment for this story.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Software patch that will fix your phone no longer available

Software patch that will fix your phone no longer available

MONTREO – Mobile solution provider KapuTech, proud maker of operating systems and applications for a wide variety of mobile platforms,

H.R. the Musical breaks attendance records

H.R. the Musical breaks attendance records

CANTON, OH – Little-known outside corporate circles, the touring production of H.R. The Musical is breaking attendance records in event

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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