Mulligan Stewart
[Part 1 in a series of about 38 ways to deprive yourself of transportation]
Step 1: Scan some books on how timing works. Ignore most of it, but zero in on a section that mentions how some sage mechanics can do it “by feel”.
Step 2: Forget any admonitions you may have encountered. These will not propel you towards your goal.
Step 3: Adjust the timing wheel by hand. Timing lights are for nerds. Listen carefully as if you have a sixth sense with these things.
Step 4: Clean up (optional).
Step 5: Get in the bus and drive it at least 30 miles laden with all your music equipment (assuming you have a gig and that you are a musician).
Step 6: Step 5 was a trick entry, because at mile 22 on a steep climb the engine will make its last pathetic gasp.
Step 7: Have your drummer, who was following you in his 1980 Corolla, drive you to the next town and call a tow truck.
Step 8: Remember that you are a musician. You cannot afford a tow truck. Or repairs.
Step 9: Leave the bus, take the equipment and any contraband you may have lying about the vehicle.
Step 10: Ask around at the gig if anybody’s got a AAA card.
Only steps 1 through 5 are really necessary to destroy the engine. True, there are other ways, but this one is road tested.
