WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
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SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
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POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Hospitala launches convenience store outpatient centers

"This is awesome," said truck driver Russ Bilstrow. "I can fill up my rig, get chili cheese fries and a high colonic all in one place."

In a partnership with Circle K, Jug & Loaf, Exxon, Love’s, Burger King, Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr., Hospitala is opening treatment centers inside combination gas station/convenience stores around the nation.

“If you can get cheeseburgers and Corn Nuts where you get gas, why not health care?” said Hospitala marketing director Jessica Wallis. “The facilities will be limited to pretty much anything you can do without getting cut open. The drive through will be utilized during non-lunch or dinner hours for quick services like eye exams or throat swabs.”

Circle K cards are valid at Hospitala locations, and reduced price car washes will be included with services over $30.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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