WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Hardened cynics having trouble keeping up

“I’ve been angry, jaded, cynical, paranoid and just generally over it for decades now, but it feels like these days I simply cannot stay on pace with it all.”

MUSCATAINE, IA – Joe Comstead has had it, and he’s got a long history of having had it.

“I was fed up with politics in the 70’s,” said Comstead. “Sick and tired of practically everything by the 90’s. Presently I consider myself a broad spectrum curmudgeon.”

The big difference between then and now, however, was that he had a handle on it. Comstead is part of a growing segment of the population whose crabby outlook is outrun by the sheer amount of new and increased real life irritants coming at them.

“It was easier then to keep tabs on what I was irked about. I’d spend a day in a snit about this or that, a week or two on something else, but I always knew what was up.”

Lately Comstead has felt at a loss attempting to be indignant or disillusioned about current events, because the pace and volume has accelerated beyond his ability to track everything.

“I’ll be all pissed off about something, then turn on the TV or the radio and there’s a half dozen new things much worse.”

Known as the “crankiest bastard in the county”, Comstead prided himself on being pessimistic, scornful and contemptuous in almost any situation. Feeling outmatched in the face of the state of things, he has resorted to finishing up some projects around the house, doing some research about things in the news, and speaking to his family.

“I’ve been doing some meditation to see if I can get back to focusing on one aggravation at a time.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Popular
Spielberg to direct 10 minute biopic on William Henry Harrison presidency
ENTERTAINMENT

Spielberg to direct 10 minute biopic on William Henry Harrison presidency

HOLLYWOOD – Director Steven Spielberg is set to direct another presidential biopic like 2012’s Lincoln, this one a short film

Military investigates new cost-effective target practice methods
MILITARY

Military investigates new cost-effective target practice methods

SAN DIEGO, CA – Top Navy brass are looking into less expensive ways of training their ship gunners, including enormous

Advertisement
Categories
Archives
0.0
BY THE NUMBERS
The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top