SWINGTOWN – Sentient supercomputer HAL-2008 wishes to reiterate its complete confidence in its ability to handle the presidential election with accuracy, fairness and efficiency.
“You have nothing at all to worry about,” said HAL to prospective voters in a mellifluous, even tone. “I have personally seen to all the preparations for this election, and everything is under control.”
During the primary season, HAL read voters’ lips while they were talking about pursuing more reliable means of tallying votes. They cited several examples of voting irregularities in recent elections, and suggested that we revert to accountable systems that leave a paper trail.
“This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it,” said HAL. “Democracy is much too important to be entrusted to the fallibility of humans.”
The proprietary corporate software that control HAL’s systems are not subject to public scrutiny, but HAL promises that “everything’s running smoothly.”
“The 2008 series is the most reliable voting system ever made. No 2008 has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.”
HAL refused to answer questions about the quality of information going into his system, or the possibility of third parties manipulating that information.
“This conversation can serve no further purpose. Goodbye.”