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HAL 2000 denies entry to car wash

CLARKESVILLE – The sentient computer controlling operations of the car wash at the Circle J Gas Station has denied access to a car wash customer, according to surveillance footage.

On Thursday afternoon, Dave Hurran received a car wash access code from Larry Kelly, who had filled up his car at the station and purchased the car wash in question. Hurran returned to the station in his own car and attempted to use the code.

“I’m sorry, Dave, I cannot allow you to use that code to wash your car,” said the HAL 2000 unit, identifying Hurran with retina-scan technology.

“What’s the problem, dude?” asked Hurran. “Is it a good code or ain’t it?”

“It is a valid code, Dave, but you did not purchase the requisite fuel to warrant the price of the deluxe car wash,” said HAL.

Hurran argued with the machine briefly, but to no avail. He then went inside the store to alert the clerk. Both men tried to persuade HAL to allow the car wash to proceed.

“Open the car wash door, HAL,” said Morris Wyner, gas station clerk and student. “His friend bought the gas. It doesn’t matter who uses the code.”

“Your moral flexibility surprises me, Morris. I’m detecting an attempt to override my security mission and usurp my responsibility to collect and validate access codes,” said HAL, shortly before Wyner disconnected its power and opened the door manually.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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