WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

GM gets additional $3 billion from Washington for rust proofing

"Yeah, but I'm sayin', that TruCoat, you don't get it and you get oxidization problems."

DETROIT – Automotive giant General Motors sat Washington down in the manager’s office Wednesday and laid it out straight. This deal on the table to exchange $27 billion in unsecured debt for 10% of GM stock is worthless without some rust proofing.

Washington may have worn down the new guy, Evan, in offering only $19.4 billion in federal loans, but, hey, this is Rick here. He’s telling Washington how it is. And if Washington drives off this property without our special rust protection package – and this is a one-day deal only – for $3 billion, Rick is afraid Washington will have a rusted heap within three years.

GM reminded Washington that these prices won’t last, and that this is the same offer they’d give their mother. If Washington turns down the rust proofing, GM may have to speak to the floor manager to avoid bankruptcy, which may not happen anyway with prices this smoking hot.

Washington is also considering the fabric protection package, but has emphatically refused pinstriping and paint sealant.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling

Meat industry formally adopts “may also contain” labeling

Producers of beef, pork and other meat products have begun listing more specific ingredients that occasionally appear in the mix.

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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