WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Found: very old milk or very new cheese

One line of questioning will involve getting someone to smell this.

YOUR REFRIGERATOR – A recent discovery in the back of the top shelf, behind the unused mild salsa and a jar of olives, could be either a freshly cultured mozzarella-type cheese or a long-forgotten glass of milk.

“Well, I don’t remember ever making any cheese, especially in a glass,” you said while furrowing your brow. “But I also don’t recall how or why I would have put a glass of milk way back there.”

You put the glass back where you found it as part of the ongoing investigation, which will involve persons of interest including your spouse, your children, any visitors they might have had, and a cleaning lady who once asked if you were going to drink a serving of milk that was in a similar glass.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Math teachers to introduce diverse viewpoints

Math teachers to introduce diverse viewpoints

DAWKINS, GA – The Dawkins County Board of Education has introduced new standards for math curricula, providing alternative explanations of

Bet you thought this was going somewhere

Bet you thought this was going somewhere

LOVELAND, CO – When a post on a prestigious news blog began with a striking sideways image of a roadside

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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