WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Father prepared for paisley to come back in style

HOUSTON – 57-year old engineer Mitch Glonby will be ready when paisley returns to vogue.

“I was there for the original heyday back in the sixties,” said Glonby, “and I still had most of the shirts and ties when it came around again in the mid-eighties. I also caught two more go-rounds of bell bottoms in the early nineties and just recently.”

Glonby’s wife and two children, both grown, refused comment for this story. He has stockpiles of outmoded clothes from various decades, including parachute pants, penny loafers, pleats, neon t-shirts, acid wash jeans, Mork suspenders and a Nehru jacket.

“I thought for sure Austin Powers would bring that back,” said Glonby. “I have the frilly shirts to go with it.”

Glonby bides his time between trends wearing his “fallback” outfit, oxford shirt, cargo pants, white socks and foam sandals.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the

Building rapport with car horns

Building rapport with car horns

HOUSTON, TX – Reaching out and connecting with others in traffic can be done simply with the use of the

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top