EUGENE, OR – Cinder, the grey cat who resides with the Matthews family, has introduced a revised schedule of sleep cycles for everyone in the house.
“The other occupants of this house maintain insufficient activity levels between roughly eleven at night and six in the morning,” said Cinder, who was digging in plants and knocking over objects to help punctuate his announcement. “They’re only primates, so I’ll spot them a few hours of respite, but in all honesty there’s no excuse for having doors closed at three a.m.”
Cinder has plans to implement a global rising time between three and five in the morning, on a fluctuating basis. He also expressed concerns about the gaps in time between feedings, strongly recommending that someone address the block of time after midnight during which there might not be enough recently poured food in his bowl.
“Sure, there’s food in there, but it’s been sitting there for several hours now. It needs to come from the big container frequently or it’s no good.” Cinder suggested that his primate assistants shift their feeding focus from daytime to night, and will continue verbal reprimands until adequate progress is made.