WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Economists to keep predicting recession until they get one

ST LOUIS – Prominent economists will continue issuing warnings that we may be headed for a recession until it comes to pass, according to prominent economist Robert Hornby.

“It’s basically a 50-50 chance; it could happen or not happen,” said Hornby. “We’ll just keep calling it until it happens, and then we’ll be hailed as soothsayers.”

“This recent bout of stability is no indicator of future events, especially with all the past instability in the housing market that could flare up again.”

Hornby believes it is too soon to tell if the economy has turned a corner. “There’s just so much unpredictability. House and gas prices could go up, but then again they could fall. It’s so hard to tell.”

Hornby explained that the financial crisis is indelibly tied to the economy, as is the labor market and credit rates.

“The only way to be seen getting it right is to stand by our forecast. It will become true; it’s just a matter of time.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Popular
Mother’s Day Relaxing Mostly For Non-Mothers
CULTURE

Mother’s Day Relaxing Mostly For Non-Mothers

GRAFTON, WV – Mother’s Day, the annual celebration in May for mothers and their influence in society, is often a

Someday this part of my life will be the pivotal montage in a made-for-TV movie
OPINION

Someday this part of my life will be the pivotal montage in a made-for-TV movie

Opinion by Jake McDagitt Right now it seems like the whole world is caving in on me. I’m in the

Advertisement
Categories
Archives
0.0
BY THE NUMBERS
The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top