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Economically depressed galaxy resorts to banner ads for revenue

Advertising opportunities are available in the distant galaxy, but currency exchange rates can be problematic.

PINWHEEL GALAXY – In a galaxy far, far away, times are hard. Residents of the Pinwheel Galaxy have tapped out most of the resources available in their region, and have signed agreements with advertisers to place banner ads across their interstellar space. In exchange, the galaxy earns a small percentage of revenue that the ads generate.

Pinwheel Galaxy, also known as Messier 101, M101 or NGC 5457, is about 21 million light-years away in the Big Dipper, so the agreements likely took place before humans even existed. In galactic circles, speculation had run rampant that Pinwheel’s Planet Operator Association (POA) was ineffective and stifling economic development among member civilizations. The appearance of the massive ads tends to support the allegations.

Apart from the social stigma associated with huge banner ads, some of them hundreds or even thousands of light-years across, many millions of planetary civilizations now have to contend with negatively impacted property values and light pollution.

“We can only imagine the inconveniences suffered by little green people on some planet there,” said astrobiologist Dale Roberts of the Pinwheel Galaxy Astrobiology Center. “If you had one of these things near our solar system, that would be all you see in the sky. The added light spectra are messing with our ability to measure red shift. We can no longer tell if the galaxy is moving toward us or away from us. ”

Astrocryptologists are working to decipher the messages in the distant signs. “It’s actually kind of unsurprising that the first signal we received from an extraterrestrial civilization would be an advertisement,” said Dale Roberts, Jr. (no relation), of the Pinwheel Galaxy Astrocryptology Organization. “As near as we can work out, about a fourth of these signs are for something we would recognize as check cashing centers.”

NASA declined to comment, other than to say that the Milky Way Galaxy has no plans to enter into any such agreements.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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