WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Dumbrella repels rain, builds muscle

JACKSON, MS – Pearl Sumner got tired of getting rained on while working out during her daily walks, so she did something about it. She invented the Dumbrella, an umbrella with weights on it so you can continue exercising while getting in your steps even if it’s pouring down.

“Seems pretty straightforward, actually,” said Sumner. “but nobody had brought it to market yet.”

She filed a patent and developed the product, which is now available in places  where there are people who do weightlifting outdoors.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Clean guy with clipboard voted most useless at construction site

Clean guy with clipboard voted most useless at construction site

For the seventh consecutive year, the well-kempt guy at the construction site was voted by peers as the least useful

Shred Here

Shred Here

Take it from Yngwie Johan Malmsteen, Swedish guitarist and band leader. You need to shred when you want, where you want.

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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