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Dryer displaying unrealistic estimates for completion of cycle

LINTZVILLE – Home laundry enthusiast Bernard Hugens has revealed that his new high efficiency washer and dryer are giving him false estimates of when each cycle will be complete.

“I have sat there and watched it,” said Hugens. “It’ll say 24 more minutes, but I know there’s three pair of jeans in there and there’s just no way it can get the job done.”

Hugens recalls several instances in which he noted an estimated remaining time of 9 minutes, then went upstairs to microwave a frozen burrito.

“Now that was 3 minutes for the burrito alone, plus the time it took to move it from the freezer and plating it and so forth. Then I go back downstairs and it says 8 minutes left. 8 minutes. Now you tell me how that adds up.”

Hugens has refused advice of well-wishers that he contact the manufacturer or consult the owner’s manual for the appliances.

“They’re just going to say some cover-their-ass legalese like ‘It’s only an estimate, your results may vary,’ stuff like that, and I’m not having it.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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