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Department of Transportation warns that Miles Per Hour expire if not used

NEW ORLEANS – Representatives of the U.S. Department of Transportation announced today that unused Miles Per Hour (MPH) expire at the end of each driving period.

“If you don’t use them, they don’t roll over to the next month,” said Ira Chapman of the DOT. “People driving around at 38 when they could be going 45 are losing out, because they don’t get those MPH back.”

Chapman likened MPH to minutes on mobile phone plans.

“If you’re out there dawdling along below the safe posted speed, it’s like you’re not using the minutes you paid for. You’re also costing drivers behind you their minutes.”

And just like mobile minutes, you can go over.

“Everybody knows you can get a speeding ticket for using too many miles in an hour. You don’t get a ticket for not using them, but you do pay a price. It’s a great analogy for driving, because all it takes to stay within your plan is to get out of the way.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Scavenger Lobby protests declining quality, volume of scraps

Scavenger Lobby protests declining quality, volume of scraps

WASHINGTON, DC – A coalition of squirrels, rats, raccoons, pigeons and other scavengers testified before Congress this week to bring

Loafer bees vital to cultural development of hive

Loafer bees vital to cultural development of hive

APIARISTON – Workers, drones and queens are widely known for the tasks of gathering, production and continuity that perpetuate the

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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