Date reaches record high

GREENWICH – The calendar date reached an all-time historic high today, March 24, 2018. Observers of time report that humanity has never seen or recorded later dates.

“This is much, much later than dates we had in the 5th century, the Renaissance, or even the 90’s,” said calendar maker Chip Wheeler. “And it’s only going up, I’m afraid.”

The previous record high date was set on March 23, 2018, but pundits say the rest of this week will easily surpass it. Wheeler warns that we can expect higher and higher dates throughout the year, and that they won’t be coming down.

“You’ll see a monthly flux in the days of the month, but overall the trend is one of inflation. It’s not like in the days of Egyptians when the years ran downward.”