WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Customer manages to irritate automated self-checkout register

MARIETTA, GA – A customer at BigBox Foods has succeeded in frustrating the self-checkout machine to the point of outburst.

The customer, known only by the name Henry, sparred verbally with the Semi Attended Customer Activated Terminal (SACAT) over every aspect of the checkout process. Henry had brought his own bags and insisted on keeping them in the bagging area while retrieving individual items to scan them. Repeated reminders from the SACAT that items must remain in a cart or basket before scanning drew only argument from Henry.

The pair squabbled over coupons, payment methods, card swipe location and intensity, scanning aptitude, economic policy and portion sizes for about eight minutes.

The SACAT eventually issued a string of profanities at Henry before powering down. A cashier attendant assigned to the self-checkout lane was unavailable for comment, and was presumed to have gone on extended break.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

This will change the way you watch “Toy Story”

This will change the way you watch “Toy Story”

Forget everything you thought you knew about Pixar’s first feature film, Toy Story. The groundbreaking computer animated buddy adventure comedy already

Chart on concentration looks like Idaho

Chart on concentration looks like Idaho

ENTHRALLMENT FALLS – A chart depicting the dataset on a study of distractions and ability to focus sort of looks

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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