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Coworkers Fail To Appreciate Genius Of Break Room Reorganization

Phillips spent hours sorting magazines that will be scattered again within days.

CHAMPAIGN, IL – Employees at Nista Group have overlooked the extensive reshuffling of furniture, appliances, and supplies in the break room completed by verifications group leader Carolyn Phillips.

Nista Group, a loan processing firm, has 54 employees at their Champaign location, practically all of whom make their way into the break room at some point during the day. Not a word was said about Phillips’ work, save for a few mumbled inquiries about where the coffee creamer was located.

If the toaster oven table moves again, Phillips plans to tender her resignation.

“I don’t want to bring attention to myself, but, you know, I’d like to get a little credit,” said Phillips, who began the project on Friday and finished late Sunday afternoon. “Nobody asked me to do this, but I took it on anyway, and it really will help get a better flow going through here.”

Phillips cleaned and purged the refrigerator of spoiled and redundant foodstuffs, consolidated coffee supplies to be adjacent to the coffee machines, arranged the tables and chairs so that traffic would not be hindered, and dozens of other unnoticed tasks.

“I guess I’ll just go back to my desk and bask in the waves of efficiency emanating from the new break room, while these ungrateful hordes blithely microwave their chicken piccata that they can now find in the freezer,” said Phillips. “All while they’re not blocking the sink or standing in the doorway.”


Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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