WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Controversial drug not harmful, says company that sells it

The manufacturer suggests stocking up before the drug is taken off the market.

ISCHEMATOWN – The company that makes billions of dollars from the sale of a controversial drug contend that it is safe for customers to continue buying it.

The drug from Pferck Laboratories has been the target of a hail of class-action lawsuits, but is “no cause for concern,” said Nathan Therm, an attorney retained by the company to say so.

“There has been some statistical suggestion – suggestion – that Necropsifloxib is less safe than aspirin or placebo,” said Therm. “but there also evidence showing it is less fatal than cyanide tablets in a double-blind clinical trial.”

Necropsifloxib, in various phases under the brand names Rigortin, Mortox and Euthanesta, was marketed as a treatment for osteoarthritis, peptic ulcers, acne vulgaris and hangnail.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

No human ever holds their hands like this when talking to another

No human ever holds their hands like this when talking to another

GUEST EDITORIAL BY S.J. WHITAKER Come on, people. Have you ever, even once in your life, been talking to someone

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium

STILLWATER, NV – Researchers have solved an age-old problem in energy production with an age-old solution: Chicken pot pie. “The

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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