WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Chemtrails found to cause belief in chemtrails

RUSSELTON, AL – The long-debated and long-dismissed conspiracy theory about “chemtrails,” the belief that governmental agencies are using high-flying aircraft to disperse chemical or biological agents into the atmosphere, finally has an answer rooted in science.

What they’e spraying is a substance that makes people believe in chemtrails.

Believers in the theory speculate that the government might be up to numerous nefarious acts, including population control, weather modification or reversing global warming. In fact, the chemical released by the planes has a single purpose: to make subjects believe that chemtrails are a real thing.

The droplets of the as-yet undisclosed substance are sprayed out of dispensers affixed to jet airliners at 30,000 feet or more, where they hang in the atmosphere for hours and eventually drift out over other states and countries hundreds of miles away. When they do finally reach the ground, humans inhale it and find the whole idea plausible.

Paradoxically, the same substance makes others susceptible to rejection of the chemtrail theory and become demanding of evidence.

The long-term purpose for the chemtrails has yet to be revealed, but numerous web sites and broadcasters have built careers speculating on a possible motive.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Controversial drug not harmful, says company that sells it

Controversial drug not harmful, says company that sells it

ISCHEMATOWN – The company that makes billions of dollars from the sale of a controversial drug contend that it is

Anti-evolution decal depicts natural selection

Anti-evolution decal depicts natural selection

COLORADO SPRINGS – A fervent creationist has applied to his car a bumper decal that borrows from the ideology he

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top