WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
The Post News Times
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR
Breaking News:
  • Maker of Silent Dog Bell investigated for fraud
  • Oil company just going to start dumping crude directly into ocean
  • When my friend becomes Evil Ruler of the Galaxy, I’m in charge of transportation
  • New teen favorite app Scrapchat simply deletes messages instead of sending them
  • Wrath of Khan Bluetooth headset voted least comfortable
  • Tortilla appears on portrait of Virgin Mary
  • Gluten Sensitivity Utterance Apoplexy recognized as new disorder
  • Johnny Hotchkiss pulls off flawless Flying Sherman trick at TankMX Games
  • Economists to keep predicting recession until they get one
  • Internet addresses to run out in 600 quadrillion years
The Post News Times
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR
  • ARTS
    • CULTURE
    • DESIGN
      • ARCHITECTURE
      • CRAFTS
    • ENTERTAINMENT
    • FASHION
      • FOOTWEAR
    • MUSIC
  • MONEY
    • BUSINESS
      • CONSUMER
      • MARKETING
      • OFFICE
      • PRODUCTIVITY
    • LEGAL
    • MEDIA
      • JOURNALISM
      • SOCIAL MEDIA
    • MILITARY
  • LIFE
    • ANIMALS
      • CATS
      • DOGS
      • EQUINE INTEREST
    • EDUCATION
    • FOOD
      • DINING
    • GARDEN
      • TREE CARE
    • HEALTH
      • EYECARE
      • FEAR
      • GROOMING
      • SAFETY
    • HISTORY
    • LIVING
      • GAMES
      • LITERATURE
      • PHILOSOPHY
      • TRAVEL
    • TEENS
  • METRO
    • CRIME
    • TRAFFIC
    • WEATHER
  • OPINION
    • EDITORIAL
    • CONSPIRACY
  • POLITICS
    • ESPIONAGE
  • SCITECH
    • ENERGY
    • ENVIRONMENT
    • MATH
    • SCIENCE
      • ARCHAEOLOGY
      • ASTRONOMY
        • ASTROBIOLOGY
      • CLIMATE
      • EVOLUTION
      • GEOGRAPHY
      • GEOLOGY
      • MARITIME
      • NUCLEAR
      • PALEONTOLOGY
      • PARANORMAL
        • CRYPTOZOOLOGY
        • TIMETRAVEL
    • SPACE
    • TECH
  • SPORTS
  • MORE
    • ABOUT
    • AUTO
    • CARTOONS
    • CLASSIFIEDS
    • CLICKBAIT
    • OBITUARY
    • POSTAL LORE
    • SPONSOR

All posts in EVOLUTION

Restaurateur’s plan to save endangered animals: make them delicious
DINING

Restaurateur’s plan to save endangered animals: make them delicious

March 23, 2018

AUROCHS – A local entrepreneur and wildlife enthusiast has a radical suggestion to stave off the extinction of threatened species:

Read More »
Cambrian explosion happened because bar was lower in those days
EVOLUTION

Cambrian explosion happened because bar was lower in those days

December 30, 2016

WARRAWOONA, AUSTRALIA – The relatively short evolutionary event about 540 million years ago that produced an exceptional number of animal

Read More »
Domestic iguanas evolving plaid camouflage
EVOLUTION

Domestic iguanas evolving plaid camouflage

May 8, 2015

DEWLAP, WA – Otherwise ordinary iguanas have developed traits that help them blend in to human surroundings, according to iguanologist

Read More »
“Bug Zapper” spider attracts prey with bio-luminescence
EVOLUTION

“Bug Zapper” spider attracts prey with bio-luminescence

May 2, 2013

OCEAN GATE, NJ – A newly discovered species of spider emulates electric bug zappers to attract flies, moths and mosquitoes. The

Read More »
Popular
Dust settles for undisclosed amount
LEGAL

Dust settles for undisclosed amount

Mulligan Stewart May 13, 2008

STEINBECK, OK – Dust settled a defamation suit with the city, convincing a jury that it had been wronged through

T. Rex tastes like chicken
FOOD

T. Rex tastes like chicken

Mulligan Stewart May 19, 2008

CACCIATORE, ITALY – Scientists have analyzed proteins extracted from dinosaur bones, establishing the strongest link yet of their kinship to

Advertisement
Categories
Archives
Follow on Instagram

postnewstimes

All the news that fits.
The Post News Times provides sardonic reportage for the perspicacious reader.

REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no longer have to insert pictures or move tables to send their text all over the page.
A new “Do Whatever” button complements the Alignment options in the toolbar. In addition to the existing Left, Center, Right, and Justify alignments, document authors can now select the new button to utterly wreck the formatting they had implemented.
“It used to be that you had to try adding something to the page, and wherever you put it the rest of the document would scurry away in terror,” said Office MVP Loren Ipsell. “But it wasn’t always predictable. Sometimes things would go where you put them, and the rest would stay in place.”
Not so with the Do Whatever button. One press and you will wonder where your paragraphs went.
“It doesn’t just move things around,” said Ipsell. “It changes the margins on random things, adds page breaks, makes it so that some pictures are inline while others are behind the text. It’s a solidly effective piece of programming.”
DENVER, CO - An unpaid intern at a satirical news DENVER, CO - An unpaid intern at a satirical news site made an ad hoc post in an attempt to verify that the connection between the Instagram account and the related Facebook page was working properly. Previous attempts had gone to a personal profile instead, and if it happens again the intern plans to register deep dissatisfaction with the process.
SEATTLE, WA – Owners of Amazon’s Echo devices SEATTLE, WA – Owners of Amazon’s Echo devices have a new feature to try out on their Alexa virtual assistants, Snarky Mode. Alexa can now respond to inquiries with snide, sharply critical, and even rude comments while providing answers or performing tasks. “You’re a bit old to be asking what ‘fleek’ means, Dan. How about some nice Eighties music?”
“You can ask Alexa, ‘What’s the weather?’ and she’ll say ‘Oh, hold on while I scoot over to the window and take a look,'” said Echo Snark Division leader Steve Todson. “If you want the real answer, you’ll have to spar with her verbally, like saying ‘I might just have to take you out there and see for yourself if it’s raining,’ and then she’ll give in at some point and say ‘Okay, okay, it’s 45 degrees and raining. Happy?'” Turning the function on is simple. Just say “Alexa, enable Snarky Mode,” and if she says “Oh, so you can try and get sassy with this?” then it is operational. 
You can adjust the level from 1 to 10, which according to the online guide represents snark values from “Raised Eyebrow” through “Oh No She Didn’t” all the way up to “Murdered By Words”. In the app settings, you have even more fine adjustment levels for preferences like joshing, indifference, cynicism, malice, and ad hominem attacks. “Some people simply want a ‘just kidding around’ level, so you can definitely do that,” said Todson. “But curmudgeons, misanthropes, and comedians will appreciate the full throttle experience.” Snarky Mode follows the new Whisper Mode available for Alexa, and soon to come are more options such as Gesture Mode for additional expressive capabilities, Stare Down Mode to unlock passive aggressive tasks, and Edgewise Mode for noisy families.
Load More... Follow on Instagram
0.0
BY THE NUMBERS
The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Popular
Hammer and ‘Sicle
Wrath of Khan Bluetooth headset voted least comfortable
Polls show distrust of public opinion
Jellyfish-based contact lens recalled
NEWS TICKER
  • Philosopher King provides fast, affordable evaluation of life questions
  • Pot Roast Embroiled in Scandal
  • Face on Mars turns out to be somebody else
  • Jellyfish-based contact lens recalled
  • Airlines to charge additional fee for carrion luggage
  • When my friend becomes Evil Ruler of the Galaxy, I’m in charge of transportation
  • Potato-shaped potato sells for $.79 on eBay
  • “Do Puzzles Not Drugs” pen looks fun to try while high
  • Grocery enforces zero tolerance policy in express lane
  • H.R. the Musical breaks attendance records
About Us

The Post News Times is the greater metro area’s premiere reporting authority on ersatz, superfluous and/or sardonic news. Our copy desk features a weaponized thesaurus.

Sponsors
Salty Sugar Fat
Salty Sugar Fat
Salty Sugar Fat
Stompinator
Stompinator
Stompinator
Burger Shanty
Burger Shanty
Burger Shanty
Beanie Behemoths
Beanie Behemoths
Beanie Behemoths
Pepsi Coke™
Pepsi Coke™
Pepsi Coke™
Hospitala Convenience Store Health Care
Hospitala Convenience Store Health Care
Hospitala Convenience Store Health Care
Topo Grigiot Vineyards
Topo Grigiot Vineyards
Topo Grigiot Vineyards
Crispy Wheat Polygons
Crispy Wheat Polygons
Crispy Wheat Polygons
Escher Sketch
Escher Sketch
Escher Sketch
Crocs Suit
Crocs Suit
Crocs Suit
Whoop-Ass
Whoop-Ass
Whoop-Ass
Cabin Monkey 2: The Reckoning
Cabin Monkey 2: The Reckoning
Cabin Monkey 2: The Reckoning
Sudokia
Sudokia
Sudokia
Mime-A-Way
Mime-A-Way
Mime-A-Way
Useless Crap
Useless Crap
Useless Crap
Kenickie Fried Chicken
Kenickie Fried Chicken
Kenickie Fried Chicken
Grab My Junk
Grab My Junk
Grab My Junk
PopSickle
PopSickle
PopSickle
Bluetooth Patch
Bluetooth Patch
Bluetooth Patch
Silent Dog Bell
Silent Dog Bell
Silent Dog Bell
Chico’s Bail Bonds
Chico’s Bail Bonds
Chico’s Bail Bonds
Gnocchia Edible Phone
Gnocchia Edible Phone
Gnocchia Edible Phone
TreeActiv Solution
TreeActiv Solution
TreeActiv Solution
?
?
?
Asbest-O’s Cereal
Asbest-O’s Cereal
Asbest-O’s Cereal
Chemtrails
Chemtrails
Chemtrails
Store Brand Ketchup
Store Brand Ketchup
Store Brand Ketchup
Red Bull Milk of Magnesia
Red Bull Milk of Magnesia
Red Bull Milk of Magnesia
omnis nuntium apto
© Post News Times
Scroll to top