WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
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All posts in ENERGY

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium
ENERGY

Chicken Pot Pie To Be Used As Energy Storage Medium

November 12, 2020

STILLWATER, NV – Researchers have solved an age-old problem in energy production with an age-old solution: Chicken pot pie. “The

Read More »
Amazing New Technology Generates Electrical Power From Cynicism
BUSINESS

Amazing New Technology Generates Electrical Power From Cynicism

November 6, 2020

Researchers have achieved a revolutionary breakthrough that allows cynical impulses generated by humans to be converted into electrical energy.

Read More »
Headline Alludes To Astonishing Fact Found Nowhere In Article
BREAKINGNEWS

Headline Alludes To Astonishing Fact Found Nowhere In Article

May 10, 2019

NEW YORK, NY – A lengthy article published today promised an explosive revelation that pertains to millions of readers. But

Read More »
Protest to bring back incandescent light draws millions
ENERGY

Protest to bring back incandescent light draws millions

February 26, 2018

GAINESVILLE, MO – Protesters numbering in the millions staged a fly-in at locations across the country last night, demanding the

Read More »
Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes
ENERGY

Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes

January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON, DC – Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the

Read More »
Department of Vague Admonitions issues warning
ASTROBIOLOGY

Department of Vague Admonitions issues warning

May 27, 2015

BELTSVILLE, MD – The U.S. Department of Vague Admonitions (DVA) has issued an urgent bulletin, the contents of which are not

Read More »
Yosemite’s Half Dome restored to Three-Quarter Dome
BUSINESS

Yosemite’s Half Dome restored to Three-Quarter Dome

May 13, 2013

MARIPOSA COUNTY, CA – The world-famous rock formation in Yosemite National Park known as Half Dome is nearing completion on

Read More »
Passive Solar Energy system approaches 99% efficiency
ENERGY

Passive Solar Energy system approaches 99% efficiency

May 1, 2013

BOULDER, CO – Solar energy researchers are closing in on a form of solar energy production that surpasses every other

Read More »
Off mode activated
CONSUMER

Off mode activated

September 22, 2008

WATTSVILLE – An end user selected the “off” mode on several appliances in his home today, according to service logs.

Read More »
Biofuels nothing new, says farting cow
BUSINESS

Biofuels nothing new, says farting cow

April 27, 2008

FLATULA, KS – Responding to the recent trending of biofuels in popular media, dairy cow Imelda wishes to remind consumers

Read More »
Popular
Mystery Machine recalled; wrong kind of caper
BREAKINGNEWS

Mystery Machine recalled; wrong kind of caper

Mulligan Stewart April 12, 2008

ROCKY POINT BEACH – The crime-solving band of teens known collectively as “Mystery, Inc.” has withdrawn from the scene of

Spider enters cubist phase
ARTS

Spider enters cubist phase

Mulligan Stewart June 1, 2008

SANTA FE, NM – A spider known only by the name Filipe has sworn off the traditional methods of spinning

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REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no REDMOND, WA – Users of Microsoft Office will no longer have to insert pictures or move tables to send their text all over the page.
A new “Do Whatever” button complements the Alignment options in the toolbar. In addition to the existing Left, Center, Right, and Justify alignments, document authors can now select the new button to utterly wreck the formatting they had implemented.
“It used to be that you had to try adding something to the page, and wherever you put it the rest of the document would scurry away in terror,” said Office MVP Loren Ipsell. “But it wasn’t always predictable. Sometimes things would go where you put them, and the rest would stay in place.”
Not so with the Do Whatever button. One press and you will wonder where your paragraphs went.
“It doesn’t just move things around,” said Ipsell. “It changes the margins on random things, adds page breaks, makes it so that some pictures are inline while others are behind the text. It’s a solidly effective piece of programming.”
DENVER, CO - An unpaid intern at a satirical news DENVER, CO - An unpaid intern at a satirical news site made an ad hoc post in an attempt to verify that the connection between the Instagram account and the related Facebook page was working properly. Previous attempts had gone to a personal profile instead, and if it happens again the intern plans to register deep dissatisfaction with the process.
SEATTLE, WA – Owners of Amazon’s Echo devices SEATTLE, WA – Owners of Amazon’s Echo devices have a new feature to try out on their Alexa virtual assistants, Snarky Mode. Alexa can now respond to inquiries with snide, sharply critical, and even rude comments while providing answers or performing tasks. “You’re a bit old to be asking what ‘fleek’ means, Dan. How about some nice Eighties music?”
“You can ask Alexa, ‘What’s the weather?’ and she’ll say ‘Oh, hold on while I scoot over to the window and take a look,'” said Echo Snark Division leader Steve Todson. “If you want the real answer, you’ll have to spar with her verbally, like saying ‘I might just have to take you out there and see for yourself if it’s raining,’ and then she’ll give in at some point and say ‘Okay, okay, it’s 45 degrees and raining. Happy?'” Turning the function on is simple. Just say “Alexa, enable Snarky Mode,” and if she says “Oh, so you can try and get sassy with this?” then it is operational. 
You can adjust the level from 1 to 10, which according to the online guide represents snark values from “Raised Eyebrow” through “Oh No She Didn’t” all the way up to “Murdered By Words”. In the app settings, you have even more fine adjustment levels for preferences like joshing, indifference, cynicism, malice, and ad hominem attacks. “Some people simply want a ‘just kidding around’ level, so you can definitely do that,” said Todson. “But curmudgeons, misanthropes, and comedians will appreciate the full throttle experience.” Snarky Mode follows the new Whisper Mode available for Alexa, and soon to come are more options such as Gesture Mode for additional expressive capabilities, Stare Down Mode to unlock passive aggressive tasks, and Edgewise Mode for noisy families.
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