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Cambrian explosion happened because bar was lower in those days

The promiscuity of these homely, wobbly critters cannot be overstated.

WARRAWOONA, AUSTRALIA – The relatively short evolutionary event about 540 million years ago that produced an exceptional number of animal phyla can be explained by the lowered standards among mating pairs in that era, according to evolution enthusiast Owsley Graves.

“It was a relaxed, kind of crazy time, morally speaking,” said Graves of the period known as the Cambrian Explosion. “Think of it like a 1960s for the planet. Animals of all sorts were getting into more experimentation than any previous life forms had. Of course it resulted in a huge boom in diversity.”

“Multicellular life had taken off, and all kinds of groovy creatures were showing up for the party. There wasn’t all this inhibition about alleles or mutation, and not everybody had eyes, so it was copacetic for just about anything.”

Graves plans to publish a paper with his findings, primarily that populations could just “whoop up” new species without so much red tape or competition bringing them down. Spongiforms and opabinia were free to keep on truckin’, selection-wise.

“There weren’t all these hangups about fitness or attractiveness,” said Graves. “Think like Roaring Twenties or Dotcom era, but for DNA. Then all these advanced life forms came along and killed the buzz.”

Science journals have not yet responded to requests for comment on this story.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

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