WEATHER: Might rain, might not – hard to say. Chance of sun and/or clouds, temps between -46 and 120℉
TRAFFIC: Bad where you are, also other places. Stay home
HOROSCOPE: Chance favors the prepared. Don’t buy into vague generalities. Reject platitudes and forge your own path. We’ve been over this.
SPORTS: Local major league franchise scores more points than other local franchise. Losing coach: “We should have scored more points.”
EVENTS: Your friend’s band that you have no intention of ever seeing is playing tonight. There’s some kind of loud festival going on this weekend and you won’t be able to park anywhere near the farmer’s market
MARKETS: ₳ 86.7 ㏎ 53.09 ㏄ 2.4 ⅐ 4.6 ㏒ 808 ☈ 10.0 ㎏ 3gd ₤ 902.25 ü 21.12 ฿ AFL1-3603 ℗ 19.84 ℀ x86 ッ3.14159 ℅ 2.718 § .57721 ‱ 4.6692 € 6.66 ₩ 1.618 ⅜ a2+b2=c2 ₭ ¤ ₴ ㎡ 69 ø 420 ⌫ 555 ∄ XIV ⌘ 24/7/365 ə
POLITICS: Holy crap, how does this keep getting worse
SCIENCE: Revolutionary medical breakthrough still ten to twenty years away

Business relationship enters plain old paper clip phase

MAKIAVILLE – The working relationship between contacts at two partnering companies has reached the point at which fancy paper clips are no longer warranted.

Janice Falstow, account executive for J-Corp Industries, decided Wednesday that her printed proposals to incumbent client Walter Nessbar were just fine with ordinary paper clips. Although it did not play a direct role in her deliberations, Nessbar’s status as “landed” had a subtle influence.

“Those curly clips come from Italy, and they’re expensive,” said Falstow. She would not address the issue of whether that meant they were to be used only for wooing new clients. “Walter’s probably got plenty of them now.”

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Someday this part of my life will be the pivotal montage in a made-for-TV movie

Someday this part of my life will be the pivotal montage in a made-for-TV movie

Opinion by Jake McDagitt Right now it seems like the whole world is caving in on me. I’m in the

Procrastinatorium funding delayed

Procrastinatorium funding delayed

MARCH 24, 2018: This story has been updated to reflect that still nothing has happened. Please check back every few

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
Scroll to top