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Burglar monetizes residence

EAST CULPEPPER – A forward-thinking property redistribution efficiency expert converted several resources from the home of a non-participating partner late Thursday night.

“He stole my stuff, is what he did,” said resource provider Randy Dawkins, age 41, apparently unhappy with the paradigm shift in his property.

“I managed the oversight of Mr. Dawkins’ material goods into liquid funds,” said Kayden Pfeiffer, on his way to the Ace Pawn Shop on Durrets Street. “These otherwise idle assets – a DVD player, HD television, an old laptop – these were just begging to be cross-ownershipped and monetized.”

Pfeiffer recently completed a course on corporate buzzwords as a condition of his parole.

“Synergy proactive Web 2.0 visionary leverage empowerment,” he added.

Muligan Stewart

Muligan Stewart

Mulligan types neatly and is punctual. He graduated summa cum dolus from William Gaines School of Journalism. Do not ever touch his stereo.

Customer perfectly happy with cable company service

Customer perfectly happy with cable company service

SIMPSONVILLE, OH – A cable subscriber has been found who is completely content with his or her provider’s service, offerings,

Math teachers to introduce diverse viewpoints

Math teachers to introduce diverse viewpoints

DAWKINS, GA – The Dawkins County Board of Education has introduced new standards for math curricula, providing alternative explanations of

The average amount of seconds a reader will squint at a confusing statistic before giving up
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