BREAKING NEWS
Transformers prequel in development
OPTIMUS WOODS – Producers unaffiliated with DreamWorks have begun development on a prequel to the 2007 live-action movie, “Transformers”, titled simply “Transformer”. The film will
Philosopher King provides fast, affordable evaluation of life questions
HEGEL MILLS – The newest chain in the food court serves only food for thought — Philosopher King offers up specialized menus of realism, empiricism,
Drug cartels moving over to printer ink
CUIDAD SIEMJUAQUE – Faced with falling demand, several drug cartels are transitioning their operations over to more expensive printer ink. “It’s the most expensive consumer
Whoop Ass now available in snack pack size
CHICAGO – Fans of the ever-popular Can of Whoop-Ass may now purchase the walloping in smaller form, the Cup of Whoop-Ass. “Sometimes you don’t need
High speed chase ends well
LOS ANGELES – The high-speed pursuit of an alleged armed robber ended without incident today when the suspect pulled over. “He finally realized that he
Slow-motion clips of perp walks to be admitted as evidence of guilt
CINCINNATI, OH – A federal appeals court has just ruled that grainy, slow-motion footage of arrested suspects being paraded before cameras to make them look
Microwaved CD reviews better than original
BRIGHTON – A microwaved copy of the CD “Hooked on Prog” was accidentally submitted to a reviewer and received higher marks than the actual CD.
Whistleblower reveals that 75% of nautical terms made up on the spot
PAPEETE – A former sailor has broken the code of silence among his peers by disclosing that most of the terms used at sea are
