Mulligan Stewart
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WY – Despite helpful commentary from park rangers, who warn drivers to give deference to bison wandering the roadways, the huge mammals are savvier to the ways of motorists than you might suspect.
“You still need to respect the safety rules of the park,” said bison spokesperson Nolan Caldera, who is not affiliated with the park. “But you should know that our bison bretheren are fully aware what’s going on. They get their kicks by mucking about with tourists in cars.”
Anywhere between three and fifty bison will gather in the meadows nearby, and plan on the best time to head up to the roads to slow traffic down or stop it completely, according to Caldera. They’ll organize little games that look like organic animal movement, but in truth are elaborate games they play to see who can stall the most vehicles.
“Or sometimes they do the mannequin challenge, right there on the center line,” said Caldera.
Park officials vigorously dispute Caldera’s statements and his status as a spokesperson for bison. He is not technically allowed within fifty miles of the park due to an incident in which he led a round of “The Hokey Pokey” in the middle of Grand Loop Road.
An official park spokesperson would not elaborate, except to say that if you dance with bison, you should be prepared for whatever happens.
